My first born, Nicole is only 15 months old. I love her to death. But as young as she is, she drives me crazy sometimes. i don’t know how she became who she is now. Don’t get me wrong, she is a super sweet little girl. She kisses, hugs (and even licks) me and his daddy even without prodding. She says mama almost all the time, which makes my heart melt instantly. She is a happy baby. She is an energetic kid who cannot and refuses to be still even just for a second, yet I enjoy watching her do her antics. She smiles and laughs often. But when she wants something and is not given to her immediately (or not at all) that is when she starts to throw a tantrum. She would let out a wail and cry, unfortunately, her cry doesn’t include tears. Which makes it more exasperating for me. I know it is her way of getting what she wants from me. There are times that when she’s asking for something or wants to do something not necessarily good, I say no. But when she starts to wail I don’t have choice but to give in.

My reason? I don’t want her to cry and feel bad. Yes, I know it’s my fault. I am spoiling her and unless I would change my ways of disciplining her, I am raising a child who would be a brat 2-3 years from now. No, I don’t want that to happen. It’s just that I just can’t get myself to say no. Especially now when I hear her say “Mama” while she lets out a wail. It is as if my heart bleeds incessantly. So, I give in. I guess, we mothers’ are built with soft hearts(how soft? I can’t even understand how!) that makes us so vulnerable to our child’s whims. Yes, I know there are lots of mothers who can immediately say no and really mean it. But I am not that kind (well not, yet). I am still a new mother, remember? Nikki knows how to tug my heart and rip my senses. Her pedia told me that I should not give in to her crying and wails because it is her way of testing her boundaries. And once she knows she can get what she wants just by doing that, then it will be her weapon against me. Well, I guess my child is intelligent to know that her tactics are working with Mama. My husband is disappointed, if not frustrated, if ever he sees me giving in. He is the disciplinarian. I am the spoiler. He says that disciplining a child starts at birth. I say it starts when she is old, say 2 years old, to comprehend what you are driving at. I just want to have these moments for now. I seem to like it sometimes for the fact that when I hear Nikki say “Mama” while semi-crying(no tears!) I know it seems as if I am the only one who can save her and I feel that I am her world. Any Mama would want that, right?