Prior to Nikki and Bea’s arrival in my life… I wore clothes that fit and matched. I had my eyebrows waxed and my nails done weekly. I was confident on how I looked. But no one kisses me with so much love like she does - even if her lips are covered with chocolate smudge.

Prior to Nikki and Bea’s arrival in my life… I read any magazine or book that I want and can afford to buy. Being so passionate in reading, I devoured everything that caught my eye and fancy. My regular television viewing habit consisted of sensible programming. But no one demands for Dora the Explorer, of which she would hum or dance with.

Prior to Nikki and Bea’s arrival in my life… I had a career and friends who I can go out with any time and for whatever reason available. I was confident in what I was doing in the office and people asked for my opinions and entrusted me with important decisions and workload. But no one makes me feel more needed and loved than them.

Prior to Nikki and Bea’s arrival in my life… I had a life. I frequented restaurants, malls places I would want to go to in a whim. I went to parties, went out and enjoyed myself. I shopped for myself, not thinking of anything else but to spend and spend much more until there’s nothing more to spend. But no one and nothing more made me happy compared to the look on her face when I give her something whether it be a toy, a slice of cake, a piece of chocolate or a spoon of ice cream.

Prior to Nikki and Bea’s arrival in my life… I had so much to be proud of. I have a job while studying law. I could have had finish law school by now. But no one and nothing can make me prouder now than them. I wish I could tell you how proud I am when I saw Nikki wearing her Elmo slippers for the first time yesterday. Probably a small feat for you, but seeing my first born being able to wear and actually know how to use her slippers for the first time made me proud and joyful. It was given to her even before she was born so it was somewhat symbolical because it showed how far she had come.

Prior to Nikki and Bea’s arrival in my life… I had my time on myself and spent it the way I want it to. I slept late, played hard, and did whatever I want. But no one asked me to play as sincerely as her and make her laugh even with just a tickle or play the silliest way or with anything that she can get her hands into. Her laughter and smiles while we play is enough to feed my spirit and warm my heart.

Prior to Nikki and Bea’s arrival in my life… I thought I had enough roles to play in my life already – that of a daughter, sister, wife, student, friend, co-worker. But no one had made me more fulfilled and satisfied that being a mom to them. Every time I hear Nikki shouts, “MaMa” it’s like hearing it for the first time always and the feeling’s so blissful.

Prior to Nikki and Bea’s arrival in my life… I was free. I could shape my own life and my own destiny. It was easy to follow my dreams for nothing stood in my way. But the path was uncertain and the vision vague. No one ever gave me purpose enough to fly and to love unconditionally.

Now, I am pulled and tugged, stepped on and sat upon, harassed, at times even desperate for some solitude. Sometimes I wonder who I am and what I have become. Then I hear Nikki say, “Mama” and it is perfectly clear to me who I am - I am their Mama. Nothing more, nothing less.